Part 1 – Down with Surgery! Up with Vicodin!

So. They told me to stay off Facebook and not make any legal decisions, but they didn’t say anything about blogging. Maybe I’ll make my mom read it before I post but that wouldn’t be any fun.

After watching Duke barely squeak past UVa last night I tried to go to sleep. Tried being the operative (heh) word. I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything past midnight, so at 12:20 I had a big glass of water (then I lied about it this morning and said “midnight” when asked). Because I am a fabulous daughter, I let my parents sleep in my bed, and I took the couch (I have an aerobed but it’s  a pain in the ass to set up. Those 2 1/2 minutes can be better used doing other things). My dad actually offered to sleep on the aerobed, but as he is a 67-year old man with a heart condition and a newly replaced knee, I didn’t think that was such a hot idea.

So. I set up shop on my cushy corduroy couch (if you ever want to buy a new couch, call this guy Chip Sobol in Black Mountain, NC. He will hook you up. I got a Rowe which is made in Salem, VA, but even including the $150 delivery charge, it cost me 50% less than the same model quoted here. And no tax! End Sales Pitch for Chip.). I watched David Letterman order from the new Steak n Shake in NYC and got caught up on Words with Friends (MaureenMo485 – play me). Turkey was not impressed by any of this.

I woke up for good at 6, took a shower, and started stalling. For all my “I want to get this over with,” suddenly I was not so sure I wanted to go. But we went. I drove to the surgery center, waved to Jeff Zients’ house as we passed (DC nerds will appreciate this) and we were there by 7:40. Filled out 1,000 more forms, and then the nurse came to get me.

It’s Friday the 13th, so I’ve been a bit skeptical and superstitious. Wanna know what my nurse’s name was???????????

LUCKY.

I shit you not. I’d left my phone in the car but I really wished I had it so I could take a picture with her. It made me happy. And she was nice. Her full name was Luckymon (even better) but she goes by Lucky.

So Lucky gave me the most beautiful blue hospital gown, a DVT sock for my left leg, and some warm socks. Then we confirmed I wasn’t pregnant (As if. Maybe I should get on match.com while I’m on Vicodin?!) and she brought me to my little stretcher and started an IV with saline for hydration and some sort of S-named drug for nausea. The anesthesia would also come through the IV. My mom came and rejoined me and wrote everything down.

I had a couple consultations, with April the Anesthesiologist, who told me about the “popliteal block” they would give me. After I was out they apparently stuck a needle behind my knee, and gave me a nerve block so I can’t feel anything from knee down for 24 hrs. (yeah!). This also means they could give me less general sedation. Then came my happy awesome doc. (I would call him awesome even w/o the Vicodin, and he reminds me of my dear old friend Dr. Keith!). I pointed out my beautiful pedicure to the doc, and he was of course appreciative.

After confirming they would not be feeding me any peanuts or mangoes – I didn’t even bring this up, the nurses did, and they all thought they were hysterical – they wheeled me down the hall and into the OR. I thought they might push me through to open the doors, but I forgot about the Magical Hospital Doors that Open on Their Own.

Once in the OR, it was a party. April was there, plus some other people I hadn’t met and won’t ever remember (sorry, nice people). Awesome Doc hadn’t yet come in (or if he had, I forget). As I arrived they asked me if I had a nickname for Maureen. I explained the evolution of IronMo, and found out that April’s brother had done Ironman Florida in St. Pete, and also Lake Placid twice. (Yeah! Even the anesthesiologist gets it!) The last thing I remember was shifting over onto the OR table.

Fade to black!